台灣攝影老師 Alex Liu 在 FB上分享了這篇文章 , 我覺得很有意思 , 所以引用過來分享一吓 ………..

“曾經有一個故事警惕著我，也在每一次可以發表作品、演講時，珍惜每一次可以演出與表現的機會。

有一個村子裡，有一位名聲遠播的西裝裁縫師傅，他所縫製的西裝從村長、鄉長甚至到縣長等等達官顯要都會請他量製，就是那麼合身、那麼好看！他也不會因為工作多而假手他人，每一件都是親身縫製，所以一件西裝要等幾個月也是難免的事。 有一天，他的工作室來了一個人，看起來很有氣質，眼神敏銳，年紀相仿的中年人。 拿了兩塊布料，說：你是業界的翹楚，我想要的西裝應該只有你可以做得出來！我想要，袖子左邊多 五公分 ，右邊少 兩公分 ！領子我想右邊大，左邊小。扣子用兩種不一樣的材質！喔對！兩塊布料雖不同紋路但顏色差不多，但請幫我把它用在同一件上！

師傅說：這樣怎麼說是西裝呀？完全是瑕疵與錯誤的吧？

客人再說：這是我想要的設計，我付你三倍的價格，請你操刀！

凹不過客人的要求，師傅只好答應！也如期在三個月後把這件西裝交給他了。

三個月後，師傅發現工作逐漸減少，慢慢的門可羅雀！那天，他提早打烊，反正也沒工作可以做！關起門的往回頭看，原來斜對角又開了一間西裝店！眼尖的他往櫥窗一看，一件西裝就陳列在櫥窗哩，而那件西裝不就是三個月前一位客人訂製的瑕疵錯誤的西裝嗎??再往下看，一塊牌子寫：這件西裝就是對面的西裝店做的！

師傅因為自己錯誤的決定，造就了到自己在專業領域的汙點！

看我們自己的攝影，其實每一位欣賞者都有一把尺，甚至有更厲害的達人在看！好與不好都在放在心裡面，如此也建立了你的名子與作品之間的關係。如果，你自己都可以發現作品有瑕疵、不好、免強、妥協….等等！你也依然已你之名發表，那也建立了你自己對作品的層次。

嚴以律己，尤其在攝影的領域。希望每一位同學在看自己作品時會有更多的要求，多加審視，不妥協！就算那是花了很多心力與金錢，他是不好的就收起來！每一次發表作品，精品化！100張類似或是有問題的作品，絕對抵不過1張完美的作品來的有力與加深印象。

或許，要求有點嚴格，養成這習慣與原則，相信你看作品的能力會大幅提升。”

文章雖然談的是攝影 , 其實若將整套理念套用在其他層面上都很合用。

 
故事只是一個比喻 , 裁縫師傅這個角色當然可以代入自己及任何人 , 做西裝及錯誤瑕疵亦可代入任何事情 , 可說是充滿絃外之音的一個故事。

在故事中有幾個關鍵位值得大家思巧:

l 力不到不為財 , 裁縫之所以成功是因為對自己專業的熱誠、努力及對自己出品水準的一份執着。

l 當裁縫出了名後無可否認因為眾人欣賞而覺得有點飄飄然。

l 當裁縫自我感覺良好時魔鬼來了 , 魔鬼利用裁縫的自滿打開缺口 , 再以不同的誘惑及遊說令裁縫背棄原先堅持信念 , 答應去做一件
“完全是瑕疵與錯誤的東西”。 

l 裁縫可能幻想自己充滿創意 , 能將瑕疵錯誤化為神奇 。 也可能覺得這只是一件不為人知的小事 , 閉了眼做了就神不知鬼不覺 。 也可能覺得別的裁縫也可能在做同樣充滿 “瑕疵與錯誤的東西” , 他這樣只不過是順應潮流。 

l  在三個月的工序過程中 , 裁縫沒有自我反省及醒覺, 亦沒有想過這“完全是瑕疵與錯誤的東西”會帶來的後果。 沒有趁這段時機用其他方法 Say No 又或者說自己做不來請魔鬼另騁高明 ,  只愚昧地執行錯誤的承諾。

l 所謂天作孽猶可違 , 自作孽不可活 , 裁縫最終被自己所做 “完全是瑕疵與錯誤的東西”將多年辛苦建立的成果一舖清袋。

l 可幸的是這位裁縫到最後終於醒覺 , 亦明白及承認因為自己錯誤的決定 , 造就了自己在專業領域的汙點 , 而非用種種藉口將責任推去魔鬼的誘惑 ……………….

我們很多時會像那裁縫一樣 , 被要求去做出一些 “完全是瑕疵與錯誤的東西 ” 雖然自己心中充滿疑問或鬥爭, 亦明知過唔到自己果關 , 但無奈自己沒有那份執着及堅持(又或者為了五斗米而折腰) , 最終明知是錯的都合埋眼照做了。 我也明白人生中有很多 “莫奈何” “非常時期要採用非常手段” , 但在非常時期過後自己有否主動去撥亂反正 , 將瑕疵修補 , 定還是任由事情一錯再錯般繼續錯下去呢?   

這篇文章真的要好好引以為鑑 , 警惕着自己 …………

大智者必謙和，大善者必寬容 ,

唯有小智者才咄咄逼人，小善者才斤斤計較。

有大氣象者，不講排場；

講大排場者，露小氣象。

大才樸實無華，小才華而不實；

大成者謙遜平和，小成者不可一世。

真正優雅的人，必定有包容萬物、寬待眾生的胸懷；

真正高貴的人，面對強於己者不卑不亢，面對弱於己者平等視之。

近日自己墮入了擔憂的 “再生池” 內 , 自己的能量不斷消耗在無邊的擔憂漩渦中 ……………….

我不能這樣繼續下去 , 我要靠自己扒出這困局, 以下文章是給自己的提點及能量 …………..

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow – it empties today of strength". Corrie ten Boom

You need to know how to stop worrying if you want to live life to the fullest. Why? Because worry doesn’t do you any good. It won’t help you live a better life. It won’t make you feel better and more energized. Instead, it will make you less happy and less productive.

But how can we do that? How can we stop worrying?  Here are eight ways:

1. Focus on what you can control

Thinking about things you can’t control puts unnecessary burden on your mind. For example, why should you worry about how bad the economy is? There’s nothing you can do about it unless you are a key person in the government. No matter how much you think about it, nothing will change. So instead of worrying about it, focus on things you can control like building your network and increasing your value. Don’t worry about things you can’t do anything about.

2. Use your imagination positively

 “Worry is a misuse of imagination.” Dan Zadra

Your imagination is a double-edged sword. You can use it to dream big dreams and keep your motivation high, but you can also use it to discourage yourself. People often worry about something because they fill their imagination with all the bad things that might happen. The reality is often not that bad, but it looks worse and worse because they give it too much attention.

3. Expect good things to happen

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” Benjamin Franklin

Not only should you use your imagination positively, but also you should expect good things to happen in your life. Instead of expecting something to fail, expect it to succeed. Instead of expecting people not to like you, expect them to like you. You should be realistic, of course, but always expect to be a winner in life.

4. Accept responsibility

 You might make mistakes in the past and worry about the consequences. In this case, the solution is to accept responsibility. Don’t let your worry drag you down. Accept the responsibility and move on. You still have a lot of great things waiting for you.

5. Be grateful

It’s easy to focus on the few things that could go wrong that we forget about the many things that already go right. That’s why having an attitude of gratitude is important. It keeps your perspective in balance. It makes you realize that for one thing that goes wrong there are many more things that go right. Just start with these simple things to be grateful for.

6. Run your own race

Stop comparing yourself with other people. Comparing yourself with others will only drain your mental energy. You have your own race to run. Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on being the best that you can be.

7. Simplify your life

The simpler your life is, the fewer things you could worry about. So instead of doing a lot of things, focus on the few things that are most fulfilling and give you the most return for your time and effort. Find your life purpose and use the 80/20 rule to choose the few important activities to focus on.

8. Have faith

You should focus on things you can control. But what about things you can’t control? What can we do to eliminate any worry about them? The answer here is faith. You need to believe that everything will go well no matter how bad it might seem. You need to believe that everything will come out better in the end. Having faith eliminates a lot of worries in your life. It gives you peace of mind.

我們出世不久就開始學 A , B , C …………

這 26 個英文字母基本上倍伴我們一生 , 究竟人生有沒有A,B, C 呢? 

那每個字母又代表什麼呢? 

以下可能給大家一些答案。

 A – Accept

Accept others for who they are and for the choices they’ve made even if you
have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B – Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C – Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.

D – Decide
Decide that you’ll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

E – Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you’ll learn more about yourself.

F – Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G – Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

H – Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you
remain dedicated to the task.

I – Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J – Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you’ll grow.

K – Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they’ll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L – Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there’s
room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there’s room for endless happiness.

M – Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you’ll suffer less stress and worry. Then you’ll be able to focus on the important things in life.

N – Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your
assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O – Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there’s still much to be thankful for.

P – Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without
happiness.

Q – Question
Ask many questions, because you’re here to learn.

R – Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.

S – Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T – Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You’ll be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U – Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that’s wasted has no value. Talent that’s used will bring unexpected rewards.

V – Value
Value the friends and family members who’ve supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

W – Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X – X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you’ll see the goodness and beauty within.

Y – Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you’ll find success at the end of the road.

Z – Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your
dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

ABC of Life引用自 Pravsworld :

http://www.pravsworld.com/content/inspiration/528/abc-of-life

 

上天永遠給我不同的考驗 , 衪總喜歡將我放在孤山之上, 面對種種挑戰及試練 , 要我做開荒牛。

我前面沒有前人為我開拓的道路 , 亦沒有人給我指引甚至支援 。我走的路是充滿荊蕀亂石 , 每一步都要靠自己雙手開鑿出來。

有時我感到十分孤寂及疲倦 ,  我曾經抱怨亦有一刻想過放棄 , 畢竟我也是一個凡人也有軟弱的一面 , 也有一般凡人的所有缺……………..

無奈我不論如何大聲吶喊 , 我聽到的只是山谷傳回自己的回音  ……….. 

久而久之我開始变得麻木 , 亦開始忘記如何”抱怨”及”放棄” , 我只知道不論怎樣難走 , 在我未倒下去之前也要繼續走下去 ……….

過了幾個月孤軍作戰的日子 , 總算完成了一連串的艱苦任務, 結局須非完美但算是有所交待。

大風浪過去後眼前所見的是一片迷霧 ………….

迷霧對我來說並沒有什麽可怕, 看不見看不清只是眼晴觀感與心裡認知上的不習慣 。 我告訴自己多少雙目失明的人仍不是好好活着 , 只要我自己不要嚇自己, 克服自己的心魔 , 黑暗與光明對我來說並無分別。 我要從中靠自己去摸索一條出路 , 而我心中只有一個信念 ………

Positive pictures come out from negatives developed in a darkroom.

So if you find yourself lonely and in dark, understand that – life is working on a beautiful picture for you.

最近工作及家庭多件煩惱事同時夾擊 , 除了孤軍作戰外更是有寃無路訴 , 心情如何惡劣可想而知 …………。

這也無辦法 , 出得嚟行預咗要還 , 我做人樂天知命亦認命 , 既然天要如此考驗我 , 唯有順勢而行穩打穩紥 , 將自己能做的做好 , 問心無愧就算 , 結果究竟是如何已非能力所能掌控。 可能上天想我 Break Though 給我楔機去過另一種生活也不定 .

 在黑暗時期自己只有從錦囊之中取一些信念勉勵一吓自己。

身边有一些朋友剛為人父人母 , 以前朋友口口聲聲話小孩子要天生天養突然180 度大变身 , 变成了準廿四孝父母。 雖然小朋友剛滿月不久但已細心舖排小朋友每個階段的成長路 , 而且恨不得小朋友像 “哪吒” 一樣見風就大 , 明天就可以大學畢業成家立室  。 兩夫婦的緊張程度及懂景令身邊朋友都覺得不知好嬲定好笑 。

 有時都覺得這一代的小朋友其實幾辛苦 , 辛苦的是一個一個被 Spoon Feed 倒模般複製 。 我身邊的朋友當中就有不少這些例子。每天放學後補習 , 週末週日課外活動由早去到晚 , 有時見到小朋友攰到眼圈都黑埋。 但教出來的小朋友反而連最基本的禮、義、廉、恥 , 是非黑白 , 尊師重導 , 做人價值 , 個人治理能力都欠缺 。 什麼修身 , 齊家 , 治國 , 平天下這些核心價值早己被家長們長埋地下 , 反而被一些似是而非的歪理代替 。有時真的要問是否真的有此必要?   究竟我們在培育一個有德行的人 , 一個高分低能寄生蟲 , 還是一個為害人間的惡魔?

 大家經常投訢身一代年青人或小朋友如何無禮貌 , 只懂權利不講義務 , 只顧自己不顧他人 , 飯來張口 , 要錢伸手 , 整天混混噩噩 , 貪威識食物質享受為上 ………. 若將來由他們當上未來社會的主人翁或在公司掌權會是怎樣?   我自己倒有點擔心 , 可能將來真的要移民去亞魯亞圖 , 一個香蕉多個人的國家 , 日日食蕉無眼睇算了。

我今天不是想講什麼做家長大道理 , 不過最近看到一篇很有意思的文章 , 雖然內容並非與教導小朋友有直接關係 , 但卻令我聯想到 “拔苗助長式的教育子女方法” 是否一件好事?  因此轉載過來給大家一個思巧空間。

另外我年前在一篇舊文 “新一代應培育的六種能力 ”分享了自己一貫教小朋友的方法 , 我深信這些目標比什麼十八般武藝更實際及有用。

原本出處 :
http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2012/04/26/growing-slowly/

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.

If there are two ways to success, the first one is instant and the second one takes a long time, which one would you choose? I think most people will take the first one. After all, who doesn’t want to get a quick reward?

 But there is a difference between achieving a quick success and a lasting success. If you just want a quick success, then sure, the first way the best way to go. However, if you want a lasting success, I believe you should choose the second way. It’s a slow way, but it’s the best way to grow. Here are two reasons why:

1. It prepares you for the responsibility

Being successful is nice, but it comes with a big responsibility. If you don’t have what it takes, you might seem successful on the outside, but you might not be ready on the inside.

Success could easily ruin your life if you are not ready for it. There are many people who are successful in one area of their lives, but messed up in the other areas. Perhaps they have family problems. Or they become arrogant. Or they feel empty inside.

Real success means being successful in all areas of your life, not just in one or two. There has to be a balance between all of them.

Growing slowly is good because it prepares you for the big responsibility that comes with success. You will be able to handle it and keep your life balanced.That’s how you can have a lasting success.

2. It prepares you for moments of crisis

Those who want a quick success often do more than what they can afford. They take excessive risks that will eventually hurt themselves and others. These people might seem successful in the beginning, but when the storm comes they won’t be able to withstand it.

Warren Buffett is a good example here. He grows his portfolio slowly over the years. He doesn’t do the “exotic” things many others do in the financial world. As a result, when the crisis struck, he was able to recover quickly. In fact, he used the opportunity to buy stocks on the cheap.

What makes the difference here? Those who grow slowly take the time to build their foundation. They don’t hurry to build a big house. They are patient and use the time to build a strong foundation first. That’s why they can withstand the storm better than those who just want to quickly build the house.

So it’s up to you. What kind of success do you want?

Do you want a quick success or a lasting success?

近日工作上出現了風浪 ……………. 

在風高浪急之際好容易令人陣腳大亂 , 迷失方向及失去分寸 …….

究竟怎樣去調整自己心態 , 用理性的角度去解決問題呢?  

我 “智慧錦囊” 中就有這樣的七條。

We are all faced with challenges constantly in every area of our lives. Most people have a hard time accepting and dealing with these challenges that arise. The truth is that you will have to deal with difficult problems throughout your life, whether it is in your personal life or career.  

 Most of us get really afraid and run away from problems because we don’t want to accept reality the way it is. Running away from your problems is the worst thing you can do to deal with the challenges you are faced with. I have some tips for you below on learning how to deal with everyday challenges. Start now and develop the self-discipline to practice the below points.

1. Don’t overreact – Overreacting to a problem will cause you to make bad decisions. When we are not in control of our emotions, we will make decisions that we will regret later. Next time you are faced with a challenge, become the watcher of your thoughts and stay calm so you can make smarter decisions.

2. Accept present moment reality – Accept the way things are and the way people are. You have to understand that not everything is going to be the way you want it to be. If you cannot accept reality you will feel very frustrated with your life. Many people will try to change someone or something that they cannot control, and when it doesn’t work out for them they feel miserable. Once you can accept reality (including the challenges that you are faced with), you will be able to be more calm and think more clearly about how to get a step further towards your goals every day.

3. Don’t blame others – Many people make a habit of blaming others for all their problems. They fail to take full responsibility for the decisions they have made in life. The more you blame others with the challenges you are faced with, the more you will make people dislike you and not want to be around you. The first thing you want to do when faced with a personal challenge is not to start pointing fingers at others.

4. Practice detachment – Make a habit of detaching yourself from any outcome. Detachment means that you are not attached to any given result in life.  For example, If you going to do a public speaking, you got really nervous. The reason you are fearful of public speaking was because you are too caught up thinking about what the audience was thinking of you. The fact is that there are some people that are not going to like what you say and others who may like what you have to say, therefore your job is to accept the way people are and not get worked up emotionally and mentally over someone not liking you. When you start practicing detachment, many of your fears and insecurities will disappear.

5. Don’t overanalyze – When you think too much about a situation or event that occurred, you will start to judge everything and everyone. When you think too much you will have a very tough time accepting reality and you will think that something is not right. Overanalyzing can also cause you to not take action on your goal, which can make you really frustrated in the long run.

6. Accept “changes’ in your life – You will have to deal with changes in life all the time. Many people don’t like change and they resist it because it gets them outside of their comfort zone.  You may be unhappy or happy at certain times; however you have to realize that those two states are not permanent. You have to train your mind to be at peace at all times regardless of the emotional state you experiencing.

7. Don’t compare your lifestyle with others –  It is really difficult not to compare ourselves with other people, however the more often we do that, the more frustrated we will feel. There will be people that may have accomplished more than you. The key thing to remember is that you create your own story and success in life.

大家互勉之 ………….

在此我祝大家有個美好豐盛的 2012 年 。

——————————————————————————————

 Small, simple life changes can be powerful. Implementing some of these changes can literally change your entire life.

How do you change? Take on one change at a time, and go slowly. Implement each change consistently so that it becomes a habit. Don’t do too much too fast.

What follows is a list of changes that are simple, yet incredibly powerful. Some are obvious and some aren’t. I hope they serve as reminders of useful changes.

1. Walk daily

We humans aren’t supposed to be sedentary human beings. We are born to run, but even more so to walk. Walking every day is good for your physical health. But more importantly, it’s good for your mind. Walking is a joy. You are outside without distractions. You may even see people. And there’s few better ways to boast your mood.

2. Wake early

 If you asked me what’s the best change you can make this instance, I would say “wake early.” The early morning is peaceful – there are no interruptions and no noise. You can wakeup and go for a walk. You can meditate. And you can create. And waking early is the most productive thing I’ve ever done. I often get more work done in a couple hours in the morning than during the entire day.

3. Eat less

Many of us overeat. Let’s stop. Eat slowly, and eat until you’re full. Eat so that your belly doesn’t bulge.

4. Stop watching, start doing

Watching is easy. Anyone can watch someone. Spectating isn’t inherently bad, but I believe we do too much of it. Instead of watching, do something. Or better yet, create something great.

5. Go slowly

Our culture tells us to go fast, to sprint and win the race. Problem is, the race never ends. When you choose to go slowly, you are choosing peace and happiness.

6. Declutter

Clutter whether mental, physical, or virtual takes a toll. The only way to get rid of clutter is to get rid of stuff. Deal with bad thoughts and be done with them. Delete unneeded files. And get rid of unnecessary items. Then when you feel like adding something, ask yourself if it’s necessary. For the most part, it will just contribute to clutter.

7. Become stronger

There are many ways you can become stronger. You can refuse to back down because of fear. You can stand up for what’s right. And you can become physically stronger. All do one thing, increase your confidence. Gradually become stronger, and the world will open up.

8. Drink water

Often, I used to feel like crap just because I wasn’t hydrated. Drink water, and it will make you feel better. Soda and most other drinks often make you feel worse. Drink water and only water (besides maybe some tea or coffee). Drink it with meals and drink it throughout the day.

9. Meditate

The incredible benefits of meditation are well-known. But most people don’t practice it because it seems complicated. The truth is, you don’t need to shave your head, or sit with crossed legs to meditate. The simplest way to meditate is to just sit and breathe. Focus on your breathe. Or focus on the sounds around you.

10. Let go of expectations

Expectations are completely pointless. Try it for yourself: think of how something will be in advance. Most of the time your expectations aren’t met or are exceeded. Or your expectations create negative results. Live without expectations, and you won’t be disappointed. You won’t have to worry about things you can’t control. You will just flow and accept things as they are.

11. Live in the moment

The past is yesterday and the future is later. The present is the only time we are truly living. So instead of analyzing the past or worrying about the future, live in the moment.

12. Forget goals

Goals look nice on paper. They provide order to your life. They aren’t necessarily counter-productive – people have done great things using goals. However, I think they’re useless. Instead of focusing on a goal, focus on the moment. Do things that you love, and do things well right now. This will get you farther than an arbitrary thing  that you can check off.

13. Focus on what’s important

Too often, I used to let the little things get in the way. Now I forget the trivial and focus on what’s important. What is important? It’s up to you. Family, writing, reading, and playing soccer are all important to me. I clear away distractions and do the important things.

14. Change things up

A routine can make you a zombie. Instead, change things. Often you will find that a change makes things more exciting. Don’t be afraid to change things up.

15. Wait before you buy

Often we think we need something, but it ends up in the basement – unused. Before you buy something, wait a month. If you still believe it to be useful, then you can but it. Understand that every time you purchase something, the cost is more than just monetary. You are taking on this item. You must put it somewhere, you must protect it, and you must maintain it.

16. Stop judging

 Judging is easy. It’s also stupid. It’s impossible to fully understand others. You don’t know what they’ve been through. So why do we judge? It’s harmful to your own peace, and it’s harmful to others.

17. Stop interrupting

Let people finish their sentence. You aren’t in such a hurry that you need to interrupt. Let people speak. You might learn something.

18. Create

Everyone has something they can add to the world – something they can create. Spend time everyday creating. You are capable of creating something life-changing – even if it only helps one person.

19. Single-task

Multi-tasking is a myth. We can’t multi-task – our brain can only switch between two tasks. So multi-tasking is actually less productive; not to mention stressful.Instead, focus on a single task. Move on when it’s finished.

20. Play

We are too serious. Laugh and goof off sometimes. Forget being judged, and let loose. We aren’t so different from children – only we try to hide our play. Forget maturity. Forget working for now. Play. Enjoy life.

人一生中都遇到不同形形式式大大小小的選擇 , 面對重大決擇時我們一般都會衡量利害得失 ,評估風險才作出決定。當然在選擇的一刻我們都會認為自己 “Make The Right Choice” 但人算不如天算 , 昨日的英明決策今天可能變成錯誤的選擇。 每個人生命中都難免會有選擇錯誤的一刻。 有些錯誤可能微不足道 , 有些可能引至不同形式的損失 , 有些錯誤卻可能引至遺憾終生的痛苦結果 , 那時大家好自然產生一種時光倒流If Only的心態 , 例如我們常聽到 ……….

“IF ONLY …. I had taken the other job.”

“IF ONLY …. I had chosen another college.”

“IF ONLY …. I had gone to college!”

“IF ONLY …. I never broke up with her.”

“IF ONLY…… I never moved here.”

“IF ONLY …. I encouraged my kids to stick with music lessons.”

“IF ONLY …… I hadn’t said that!”

 有些人會不斷輪迴及沉溺在上述 If Only的追悔中 , 慢慢被負面的情緒侵蝕自己的自信及意志 , 繼而產生心理陰影、怨恨及夢魘 , 嚴重者甚至會引至情緒鬱結。 面對這消耗意志的心理漩渦 , 究竟可以用什麼方法去舒導及如何面對呢?

以下七點分享希望幫助大家走出 “If Only” 的困局。

1. Use your broken dreams, disappointments and “what ifs” as stepping stones towards a better future.  

 不論失敗的原因是問心無愧還是心中有愧 , 一切都巳成事實。 我們不能因為一次失敗就被打跨 , 反而應客觀誠實地分晰導至失敗的原因 , 從而汲取教訓。 人的一生中就是一連串選擇、經歴、學習、錯誤、修正、進步巡環不止的路 ; 每一個成功及失敗經歴都是我們寶貴的人生成長經歴, 亦是向前的踏腳石 。

 2. Remind yourself that you do not know what would have happened if you chose the other path
有些人會覺得如果我早前選擇行另一條路出來的結果可能會好些。 我覺得這只是一廂情願的想法 , 實際上出來的結果可能都是一樣甚至可能更差。 所以千萬不要假定可以從新選擇就會更好 , 這是不可能發生的。

3. Stuck in the“would, could, should” 

 有些人思想上會不斷斗纏在“would, could, should” 這些心中預計會發生但實際上卻沒有出現的條件上 。成事者天時、地利、人和配合不可 , 大家要明白有些情況是 Out of Control 人力不能預計的。千錯萬錯事情既已發生 , 過去已成過去 , 覆水已難收 , 逃避面對只會加深痛苦。大家要做的是接受現實及原諒自己 , 因為在你眼前要面對的是 “現在” 及”將來” 。 反而事後檢討時問一問自己究竟要怎樣 knowing better or doing better 將來再遇到同樣事情時不再從蹈覆轍來得實際。

 4. Refuse to play the “Blame Game.”

 現實世界是不公平的 , 好多時面對傷痛大家會好自然墮入一個 “Blame Game”為失敗或個人過失找一些”代罪羔羊” 將一切責任推卸去別人身上 , 工作環境及社會因素 , 控訴不公。有時甚至拉埋滿天神佛落水 , 時常問究竟自己做了什麼錯事 , 上天竟要這樣對待自己?  其實自己真的沒有一點責任也沒有嗎? 我想強調一點 “Blame Game” 只會令大家逃避面對問題 , 妨礙自己坦誠正視問題 , 失敗而學不到當中教訓 , 失敗只會不斷再次降臨 , 而打擊將會一次比一次大。

5. Realize that to be steeped in “if onlys” is to be stuck with unproductive regret.

 傷痛消耗精神意志及令情緒低落 , 更不事生產耗費精力 。 我不是說人要變成冰冷的機械人一樣 , 完全無喜怒哀樂感情起伏。人非草木就算野獸受傷都要回山洞休息養傷 , 我想指出的是如何為自己 Set 個
“傷痛期" 閉關療傷。 在傷痛期內就盡情的去悲痛 , 盡情去渲泄負面情緒 , 當一切渲泄過後就應走出山洞從新上路 。要知道自己永遠不能無限期無了期的躲在養傷的山洞中 , 要知道假若處理不當 , 這一切會變成心理陰影 , 更慢慢地消磨意志墮入萬劫不復的輪迴中 , 所以一切要小心處理 , 這時家人及朋友的扶持開解是最好的靈丹妙藥。

6. Allow yourself to grieve.

 當不如意事情發生 , 人的情緒就會順序出現五種自然反應 : Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance。 大家不妨試想想對上一次受到挫敗受傷時是否同樣都經歴這些情緒變化?  受傷就一定會痛有傷口 , 這是自然現像。 在情緒管理學上處理情緒要像治理洪水一樣 , 我們要運用正確方法將負面情緒渲泄而不是用方法去呃自己去倒塞不快情緒 。 因為倒塞並不等於將問題解決 , 而情緒壓力亦會不斷變大 , 終會一日情緒决堤引發洪水大爆發。 所次處理傷痛正確方法是如何令自己 “盡快” 過渡這五種情緒 , 例如滕出空間讓自己去渲泄憤怒 , 給自己時間傷心痛哭 , 承認自己受傷及痛楚 , 明白自己能力不足 , 接受現實及承受失敗的代價 , 找朋友開解或心理輔導 , 並讓時間慢慢冲淡傷痛 , 讓傷口瘉合  ,繼而慢慢由跌倒處站起來再從新上路。

身為家人朋友就要留心觀察 , 協助傷者過渡不同情緒階段 , 在適當時候給予引導 , 令傷者慢慢復完。  

7. Embrace “The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life!”

 心理學家 Judy Belmont  在 How To Get Through Life’s Holes without Getting Stuck In Them!” 一書中以芝士妙論人生。

 一講芝士大家心目中出現的影像九成會是瑞士那些分佈着大小不規則的孔那種多孔芝士, 對於圓滑無瑕的美國芝士大家總覺得它們太平凡及不夠過性。 其實瑞士芝士越多孔就越香及越多層次變化。 作者用 Cheese去比諭人生 , 那些大小不一的孔就等同人生的難題及挫折考驗 ,  那些無風無浪平淡如水的人生可能會令人覺得十分乏味 , 反而一個充滿高低起落經歴所磨練出來的人生更覺韻味 , 所以不要介意身上有多少傷痛經歴及疤痕 , 因為這些都是值你的光榮戰跡及寶貴的人生經驗。而 The Swiss Cheese Theory Of Life 就是說 “you can feel more positive no matter what comes your way, and will be able to “SMILE
AND SAY CHEESE!”

這沿用千年的自然法則在現今講求速食 , 萬事都以商品化的思維邏輯 , 只講權利 , 忘記義務 , 急功近利 , 乜都攞到盡賺到盡的心態來說 , 有些人會覺得這些老生常談過時 , 並以 “飛甩老土” 的態度去面對  ……………….

我總覺人與天比高與大自然競爭 , 雖然可能贏得一時但到头來自食惡果 , 反而會得不償失 。 所以 我依然崇尚持這些 “老土” 法則 。

If you wish to be respected, then be ever respectful.

If you wish to be understood, then sincerely understand others.

If you wish to be appreciated, then be ever grateful.

If you wish to be loved, then give love in each moment.

If you wish to be wealthy, then act to create real value.

If you wish to learn, then take time to teach.

If you wish to climb higher, then life others up.

If you wish to be wise, then share what you know.

Whatever you wish, life will surely give it.

What you must do, though, is to truly live it.

There is so much to live for and so much to see.

You will have whatever you are willing to be.

原文引自 : Watch Your Words: 8 Ways to Choose Your Words More Carefully

Note: This is a guest post from Caz Makepeace of y Travel Blog

As parents we are always monitoring the words our children use and do our best to steer them onto a better path with their word choices.

A path where words are chosen that reflect “good manners”, “kind words”, “happy thoughts.”

“Watch your words” or “Use your words” is the advice what we often repeat to our children, demonstrating the fact that we understand words are powerful and communicate what we desire and how we are perceived.

But what about the words we are choosing to use ourselves?

Are we monitoring them? Are we aware of the message they may send out and what we may bring back in as a result?

What we think about we bring about.

Words are so powerful and reflect our thoughts. Here are 8 words commonly used in our everyday conversations with ourselves and others that we need to monitor and change in order to bring about the future we really desire

1.Try

“I’ll try to get it finished by…” “I’ll try to catch up with you on Saturday”

Whenever I hear someone saying this, or even myself, then I know that they are not serious and it is not going to happen.

Try is a wishy washy word that is devoid of commitment, leaving wide open the space for excuses to creep in and get in your way. No one created the life of their dreams and positive results by trying. They got theirs by doing and making it happen.

Make a clearer commitment instead by saying “I’ll have it done by…” “I am free at this time and I can meet you then…” or if need be, “I can’t promise anything but I will do my best to ….”

2. Wish

Wishing is sitting on your couch daydreaming, waiting for your lotto ball to drop or the fairy godmother to appear. Wish removes yourself from the equation and tells you that you have to rely on the powers that be.

Change wish to “I will…” “I am…” I’m determined….” “I deserve…” “I desire”

3. I am

Be very careful how you use the term “I am” to define who you are. You are not angry; you are not depressed, you are not happy. All of these things are temporary emotions that come and go. If you define yourself as being this way than that identity can have a tendency to stick and what will follow will be excuses such as “I can’t do this because I am depressed” “There is nothing I can do about it, this is who I am.”

A better way to say it is “I feel angry. I feel depressed”

This lets yourself know that it is a temporary feeling which could quite easily change.

4. If

How many times do you mutter, “If I get that promotion then…” “If the money arrives then…”

 “If” always presents the element of doubt. Doubt and insecurity don’t bring you what you want, certainty and confidence does. So instead of “if”, simply make it “when”

“When I get that new job…. “

When signals that you are serious and committed and you believe that what you deserve is on its way to you.

5. Should

Again a wishy washy promise word. “I should call my mother more.” “I should go to the gym tonight.” Should is rife with feelings of guilt and complacency.

You know you are never going to do it and by somehow saying that you recognize you should makes you feel better. It doesn’t really; the only thing that makes you feel better is doing it.

Should can be turned in to “I will…” or “I am going to…”

6. I can’t

This is one of those words that can be debated. We’ve all heard there is no such thing as can’t. Well there is really, I can’t sing. I really can’t. I’m dreadful. But you know what, I can try or I can learn.

As soon as your brain hears you say the word can’t, it goes on a holiday. It shuts down and celebrates because it no longer has to find a way to do it. “I can try” means that you open up a creative space for learning and exploring that may just bring you new ways of thinking and doing.

When my daughter says “Mummy, I can’t,” my response is, “Maybe, but you can always try first and see. Let’s have a go!”

7. Desperate

When we really want something there is a tendency to attach the word desperate to it, as if this word will hold some power to bring it to us faster.

“I am desperate for him to call me” “I am in desperate need of a transfer.”

Desperation breeds more things to be desperate about. It is not an attractive word.

Instead say “I am so excited that he is going to be calling me tonight. “I really desire a transfer and am ready to go!”

8. Luck

Ugh. This is my least favourite word. I really despise it as I often hear it said to me,“You are so lucky to travel like you do.”

I just want to scream. Luck has nothing to do with it. There has not been some genie in my backpack. I have travelled the world for 14 years because I made the decision to do it and then I took action. Luck has never played a part in it.

And luck never will play a part. If you always fob other people’s success off as luck, you are doing two really bad things

1) Not recognizing and appreciating all the hard work they have put into bringing about the life they desire

But more importantly

2) You are saying that it is not possible for you. So you give up before you even start creating the life you want. You think it will only happen to you if a genie appears. This is such a lie. You can have whatever you desire as long as you are willing to do what it takes to get it.

***

Choose your words carefully and you’ll soon learn that you can be, do, and have whatever you want.

Caz Makepeace has been living and traveling around the world since 1997. She is co-founder of the popular “y Travel Blog” where she shares tips, stories and inspirations on world travel. She also shares mindset and success tips for putting the mojo back into your life at her blog “Mojito Mother.”