最近工作又陷入另一場苦戰 , 像洪水般排山倒海而來的工作 , 無所適從的指引 , 沒有準則任憑喜嗜難以捉摸的變化 , 從上而來的壓力 ……………
這種变化癲覆了我們過往着重Planning , Organize , Rules & Regulation的工作模式。 除了自己心態要改變外 , 工作上亦要大幅變陣 , 並且要調節下屬心態去面對一切改變 ……………
在這困難時刻能夠做的就是要為自己加加油及打氣 , 然後再去作戰 ……………..
最近工作又陷入另一場苦戰 , 像洪水般排山倒海而來的工作 , 無所適從的指引 , 沒有準則任憑喜嗜難以捉摸的變化 , 從上而來的壓力 ……………
這種变化癲覆了我們過往着重Planning , Organize , Rules & Regulation的工作模式。 除了自己心態要改變外 , 工作上亦要大幅變陣 , 並且要調節下屬心態去面對一切改變 ……………
在這困難時刻能夠做的就是要為自己加加油及打氣 , 然後再去作戰 ……………..
在工作環境中不難會聽到同事間有一些公認的敵人 , 例如某某主管特別惡頂難服侍, 某些客户脾氣差又臭串 , 某位員工態度差 ………. 他們的存在就像 “箭靶” , 不管公司裡發生怎麼壞事都好自然令人聯想到一定與他們有關。 “箭靶” 似乎是無處不在 , 分別只是中箭的多少是間中受靶還是金牌箭靶吧了。
有些人覺得箭靶一般都是樣衰口臭 , 脾氣差 , .狂妄自大 , 囂張拔扈 , 孤寒刻薄 , 乞人憎這類人 , 但其實位高權重 , 殺傷力弱 , 辦事能力高這類人都會變成箭靶 , 所以不要因為做了箭靶而感到難過。
在日常工作甚至生活每每出現一些不如意事情而產生負面情緒 , 負面情緒或怨氣不斷累積若果無辦法渲洩化解就會滿溢要排洪一樣 , 在人性自我保護的生理反應下就會揾地方發洩及消氣。 而且一般人在情緒不穩時感性一定淹沒理性之一瞬間 , 都好自然先將一切問題先推到他人身上 , 其實箭靶只是出氣袋的代名詞。
大家有無諗過利用“箭靶” 作為管理一種手段呢?? 既然知道箭靶有誘導情緒的功能我們怎去利用它呢?
我記得某一次突發情況下 A Team 的某位下屬為了完成上級指派的任務而令到 B Team 的一組同事產生困擾 , 雖然兩 Team 人對整件事由始至終的處理手法有幾方面的不滿 , 但始終都只是Gossip 的層面上。 有位Team B 同事想向上級投訴 , 這舉動令當日被指派執行任務那位 Team A 同事感覺上好像Team B 要投訴他本人一樣 , 於是 “吹雞” 叫齊兄弟開始互相駁火。
我收到通知立即介入調停, 眼看事情越演越烈情緒開始失控 , 這是一個左右做人難的局面, 不論我企在那一方都不洽當 , 而且處理不好會令兩Team 人日後心全芥蒂影嚮大家日後合作 , 情急之下我運用了箭靶定律去化解。由於大家面紅耳熱我第一步要做的就是排洪降温 , 我即時為兩 Team 人製造另一個新”箭靶” , 將問題轉移到若果突發情況在初其得到妥善處理就根本不會發生之後的情況 。並重伸那位 Team A 同事是無辜的 , 因為同樣情況若發生在其他人身上亦會犯同樣錯誤 , 因為形勢不容你選擇 ,將 Team A同事身上的箭靶解除 。
兩 Team人聽完我講火氣消了一大半, 我再他們往新的箭靶上發洩一吓 , 再提出若要投訴應聚焦在若有類似事件發生應如何處理層面上 , 我成功地利箭靶定理將情緒引導到正確渠道上 , 一來化解了內哄危機團結了兩Team 人槍口一至對外去與高級管理層表達意見。老實講若果我立心不良 , 我隨時可騎劫這股群眾力量去針對或攻擊某些人或達到什麼目的 , 不過我是正派中人當然唔會咁做 , 我只是借一次經驗 “箭靶定理” 的一個例子。
在過往工作經驗中我經常個箭靶 , 最印像深刻的是一次有幾位下屬因不滿我收緊對資源濫用情況而作出的一連串改動 , 搧動其他員工進行投訴 。老實講面對情緒高漲群情兇湧的群眾那種感覺真的十分可怕 , 但改革一向是痛苦及付出代價的 , 要做的事始終要做唯有硬着頭皮頂硬上。 面對如此情況我當然可以來一次 “乾坤大挪移” 將箭靶轉向我上級說是管理層的意思 , 但這樣做會顯得我是個無能的上司將來難以服眾。
羊群效應 , 太快去 Join to conclusion 的思想模式及怕蝕底的心態 , 永遠是破解這類問題的竅門。
所以第一招我首先讓群眾說出不滿 , 我虛擬了幾個箭靶讓他們發洩(這是必要的因為負面情緒若得不到舒援 , 危機只會像雪球一樣越滾越大) 第二招用逐個擊破及理性探討, 當他們情緒平靜一點後我讓他們提出健議去怎樣改善 (將自己的箭靶解除並將問題拋回給他們 , 將感性的投訴拉回到理性的層面上) 。 第三我針對下屬最怕 “不患寡而患不均”的心態以合情合理及公平的原則去尋求解決之法。投訴過後我將員工意見歸納自己消化了才向上級提出解決之法 , 來個中間落墨那樣就將事情慢慢擺平。
“箭靶定理" 並非什麼高深管理學說 , 這篇只是作個小小分享 “箭靶定理” 如何運用及如何破解 , 同時亦想指出群情兇湧之際永遠是理性最脆弱的一刻 , 正所謂 “當局者迷” , 很多時自己被人誤導着也不自知 ………..
不患寡而患不均 – 不憂慮人民寡少，只擔心財富不能平均。
不患貧而患不安 – 不憂慮國家貧窮，只擔心社會不安定。
不患寡而患不均用在這裡的意思是 , 遊戲規則一定要公平 , 有就齊齊有 , 無就大家都無 , 天子犯法與民同罰。最怕是雙重標準令制度做成分配不公平或有特權份子特別對待 , 好比州官可以放火而平民不可點燈 , 肥上瘦下等不公現像。
在前一篇文章中提及了我用「式無不破，唯快不破，唯硬不破」的手法去解決問題 , 有朋友即時要求我分享這套手法的內容及詳情 。
大家可能還記得周星馳那套電影”功夫” 中火雲邪神講的一句說話 “天下武功 , 無堅不摧 , 唯快不破” 其實與拳諺中「式無不破，唯快不破，唯硬不破」同一道理。它的解釋是由於身體結構人人一樣 ,手起足動產生招式 ,每個招式理論上都有破解方法 , 唯獨兩個例外 : 就是“速度” 與 “勁道” 。
快與硬都是「功」的表現 , 快與硬沒有絕對的標準 , 只在自身與對手的相對關係 , 即是你出手比他快比他勁 , 那就有壓倒性的優勢。同樣道理無論你武功多高 , 速度多快 , 多強勁也敵不過子彈 , 子彈不就是又快又硬嗎？
第一訣 : 快
香港人對 “快” 字絕不陌生 , 快餐、速遽、速成、一分鐘XXX ………..我們每天都與速度競賽 。 大家都有一種感覺覺得”快” 亦等同 “好” , 久而久之人變得像機器一樣事無大少都一律麻木地乜都快一餐 。 我想指出的是在絕大情況下人們都是 “盲目的去快 , 無目的地快 , 唔知為乜地要快” 。 須知”快”須要能量 , 越快所須的能量亦越大 , 你無可能有無窮無盡的能量 , 這種簡單的道理中學生也明白。 快得來行錯方向捉錯用神做錯哂 , 因快得慢的情況經常發生。我要求自己 “應快則快” “快”要配合 “準” 才能做到效率及效果 ,快而失準同比慢更差。
很多人做事只求快 , 在沒有完全弄清事情底褞下就糊亂出招 , 浪費精力。就等同一場足球比賽 , 球員一見球來第一時間將球踢走 , 反應實夠快但卻將球送到對方腳下又或者出界斷送機會。 很多人做事確實很快 , 但卻給人一種很亂的感覺 , 原因是邊想邊做 , 自己都搞唔清自己想點。 所以想快之前一定要停低諗清諗楚 , 認定目標才去做 , 若果連自己都唔知想達到什麽目標 , 你的快有九成是浪費的。 我在未清楚目標 , Dead Line 及細節之前 , 我是不會隨隨便便的“快” , 為快而快 , 原因是我要保留實力 , 用對的方法做對的事 , 那反而更有效率。 況且我要保持頭腦清醒免自己被誤導而走錯方向 , 這樣才是智慧而非盲目。
第二訣 : 硬
試想你是一個出手又快又準的拳手 , 但出拳亳無力度 , 打在對手身上像搔癢一樣 , 反而對手老老實實的一拳就將你打到暈低 , 這樣的賽果永遠只得一個 “敗” 字 , 分別的只是時間及你的受傷程度吧了。
快與硬都是「功」的表現 , 硬在若套用今天的話題上我們解釋為 “功力” 。
功力不等於招式 , 功力是看不到的經驗值 , 駕御力 , 決策力 , 思維模式……….. 這一類內在功架令你 “Know what to do & do the right thing”。 我想強調一點“功” 是靠平常日子不斷操練 , 實戰中累積經驗 , 從挫敗中用血汗換回來的 , 正所謂“台上一分鐘 , 台下十年功”。不管你手上有多麽精妙的絕世武功秘笈 , 若果平時缺少訓練 , 沒有穩紥的基本功, 到落場對戰時招式只是花拳繡腿的東西 。平常情況可以呃吓飯食 , 但一遇上複雜情況就會露底 , 肴底 , 甚至不堪一擊。
引用快速應變部隊作一個例子 ,快速應變要靠平時訓練及準備功夫 , 指揮目標明確 , 各單位各施其職緩急有序, 工具器材齊備 , 員工心理質素 Ready才能將功效發揮到最大 , 否則只會給人一種吔吔烏雜牌軍烏合之眾的感覺。大家想一想馬尼拉人質事件菲律賓警察及特警的表現就明白我所說什麽。
養兵是”功”的一種 ,古人講養兵千日用在一朝絕對有它的道理 ,要知道一個人能力始終有限 , 一個人做唔晒所有嘢 , 而要靠下屬或 Partner去完成工作。 十隻手指有長短對於下屬我清楚了解自己手下的工作能力以及做事心態 , 我對員工有要求但絕不會壓榨他們。對於他們提出的建議我真的會聆聽及考慮 , 而我自己永遠親力親為以身作則在前線帶領下屬工作做到齊上齊落協同作戰 , 我不會只懂坐在冷氣間中紙上談兵 。 下屬很清楚我辦事時重視紀律但同時亦講道理及人情味 ,絕不會卸責及肥上瘦下。 下屬幫你苦戰後你要識得慰勞及與民休息 , 千萬不要當下屬是一件工具 , 但與下屬亦要保持應有的距離切不可無大無細。 永遠記着 “其身正 , 不令而行 ; 身不正 , 令而不行”可惜的是新一代的管理層太急攻近利 , 只懂肥上瘦下剝削下層 , 根本不明白這些傳统管理之道。
管理高手不會受制於環境 , 他們會利用環境的一切去達成目標 , 他們會用心投入地去了解清楚手上有多少資源可運用及公司內一切遊戲規則 。 針對Information, Resources , System , People Skill方面一步步建立一套對自己工作情況有幫助的預警及後勤支援系統。當有事發生時能及早預警及作出準備 , 不至被殺個措手不及。而且他們會不斷 Challenge 自己的工作 , 修補漏洞找出破綻及提昇系统, 鞏固自己的陣地及資源網絡 。新一代的管理人大多都喜歡被 Spoon Feed及缺少一份開拓心及耐性 , 所以很多時都處於被動受制於環境。
“練武不練功 , 到老一場空” 上述這些 “功” 只是冰山一角的例子 , 但一理通百理明 , 火喉修維與日俱長。 我想說這一切絕非一朝一日可以 Build Up , 亦不是想就會有 , 亦沒有 Short Cut , 一切都要自己花時間修練點滴累積而來 , 我自己都練了很多年方初見成效 , 但當“功力”成熟後你就會發覺它功效非凡。 過去很多時突發事情發生 , 而我每次都可以很快找到解决應對方案 , 我靠的並不是單單幸運或大命而是平時做足功課底子夠硬淨, 對事件早有心理準備及應變方法 , 手底留有一着才可以從容解圍。
老實講這「式無不破，唯快不破，唯硬不破」不是什麽新派學說或灌水的管理理論 , 而是實實在在在戰鬥中所得的實戰之談 , 絕對是血與汗換過來的智慧 , 只不過現代人貪新忘舊將如此寶貴的東西待以冷眼 , 而又只有我這些老餅才會去修練並用來解圍兼贏得掌聲。
漫長的 Project 終於進入最後階段 , 亦是最關鍵的時刻 ………….
腦裡唯一的念頭就只有不斷向前衝 , 施展渾身解數 , 見招拆招 ……….
雖然十分疲累 , 但腦根還算清醒 , 對整個戰局仍能掌控……………
近日自己墮入了擔憂的 “再生池” 內 , 自己的能量不斷消耗在無邊的擔憂漩渦中 ……………….
我不能這樣繼續下去 , 我要靠自己扒出這困局, 以下文章是給自己的提點及能量 …………..
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow – it empties today of strength". Corrie ten Boom
You need to know how to stop worrying if you want to live life to the fullest. Why? Because worry doesn’t do you any good. It won’t help you live a better life. It won’t make you feel better and more energized. Instead, it will make you less happy and less productive.
But how can we do that? How can we stop worrying? Here are eight ways:
1. Focus on what you can control
Thinking about things you can’t control puts unnecessary burden on your mind. For example, why should you worry about how bad the economy is? There’s nothing you can do about it unless you are a key person in the government. No matter how much you think about it, nothing will change. So instead of worrying about it, focus on things you can control like building your network and increasing your value. Don’t worry about things you can’t do anything about.
2. Use your imagination positively
“Worry is a misuse of imagination.” Dan Zadra
Your imagination is a double-edged sword. You can use it to dream big dreams and keep your motivation high, but you can also use it to discourage yourself. People often worry about something because they fill their imagination with all the bad things that might happen. The reality is often not that bad, but it looks worse and worse because they give it too much attention.
3. Expect good things to happen
“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” Benjamin Franklin
Not only should you use your imagination positively, but also you should expect good things to happen in your life. Instead of expecting something to fail, expect it to succeed. Instead of expecting people not to like you, expect them to like you. You should be realistic, of course, but always expect to be a winner in life.
4. Accept responsibility
You might make mistakes in the past and worry about the consequences. In this case, the solution is to accept responsibility. Don’t let your worry drag you down. Accept the responsibility and move on. You still have a lot of great things waiting for you.
5. Be grateful
It’s easy to focus on the few things that could go wrong that we forget about the many things that already go right. That’s why having an attitude of gratitude is important. It keeps your perspective in balance. It makes you realize that for one thing that goes wrong there are many more things that go right. Just start with these simple things to be grateful for.
6. Run your own race
Stop comparing yourself with other people. Comparing yourself with others will only drain your mental energy. You have your own race to run. Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on being the best that you can be.
7. Simplify your life
The simpler your life is, the fewer things you could worry about. So instead of doing a lot of things, focus on the few things that are most fulfilling and give you the most return for your time and effort. Find your life purpose and use the 80/20 rule to choose the few important activities to focus on.
8. Have faith
You should focus on things you can control. But what about things you can’t control? What can we do to eliminate any worry about them? The answer here is faith. You need to believe that everything will go well no matter how bad it might seem. You need to believe that everything will come out better in the end. Having faith eliminates a lot of worries in your life. It gives you peace of mind.
我們出世不久就開始學 A , B , C …………
這 26 個英文字母基本上倍伴我們一生 , 究竟人生有沒有A,B, C 呢?
A – Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they’ve made even if you
have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
B – Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C – Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
D – Decide
Decide that you’ll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
E – Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you’ll learn more about yourself.
F – Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G – Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H – Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you
remain dedicated to the task.
I – Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
J – Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you’ll grow.
K – Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they’ll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L – Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there’s
room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there’s room for endless happiness.
M – Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you’ll suffer less stress and worry. Then you’ll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N – Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your
assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O – Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there’s still much to be thankful for.
P – Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without
Q – Question
Ask many questions, because you’re here to learn.
R – Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
S – Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T – Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You’ll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U – Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that’s wasted has no value. Talent that’s used will bring unexpected rewards.
V – Value
Value the friends and family members who’ve supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
W – Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.
X – X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you’ll see the goodness and beauty within.
Y – Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you’ll find success at the end of the road.
Z – Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your
dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
ABC of Life引用自 Pravsworld :
上天永遠給我不同的考驗 , 衪總喜歡將我放在孤山之上, 面對種種挑戰及試練 , 要我做開荒牛。
我前面沒有前人為我開拓的道路 , 亦沒有人給我指引甚至支援 。我走的路是充滿荊蕀亂石 , 每一步都要靠自己雙手開鑿出來。
有時我感到十分孤寂及疲倦 , 我曾經抱怨亦有一刻想過放棄 , 畢竟我也是一個凡人也有軟弱的一面 , 也有一般凡人的所有缺……………..
無奈我不論如何大聲吶喊 , 我聽到的只是山谷傳回自己的回音 ………..
久而久之我開始变得麻木 , 亦開始忘記如何”抱怨”及”放棄” , 我只知道不論怎樣難走 , 在我未倒下去之前也要繼續走下去 ……….
過了幾個月孤軍作戰的日子 , 總算完成了一連串的艱苦任務, 結局須非完美但算是有所交待。
迷霧對我來說並沒有什麽可怕, 看不見看不清只是眼晴觀感與心裡認知上的不習慣 。 我告訴自己多少雙目失明的人仍不是好好活着 , 只要我自己不要嚇自己, 克服自己的心魔 , 黑暗與光明對我來說並無分別。 我要從中靠自己去摸索一條出路 , 而我心中只有一個信念 ………
Positive pictures come out from negatives developed in a darkroom.
So if you find yourself lonely and in dark, understand that – life is working on a beautiful picture for you.
自上篇文章訴說了自己的惡劣近況後 , 得到很多朋友留言鼓勵及支持 , 大家的關懷及點點心意都為我增添了不少正能量。
我自己一向的處事理念都是 “逃避非善法 , 面對是修行” , 所以面對難題我不會問 Why is it happen? 反而是問自己 What to do about it & How to make it right? 反正要發生的事都發生了 , 汝其花時間追究過去倒不如 “做好今天 , 放眼明天” 將自己的注意力集中在如何解決問題的層面上。
面對逆境很多時我們都會想得太多 , 一些想法在腦中揮之不去 , 形成惡性遁環。 若果情緒得不到渲洩就會像種子般在心中發芽久而久之形成夢魘。 為了防止自己墮入這種漩渦中 , I need to do something: 而我為自己設計了多個渠道 , 例如家人的傾訴及關愛 , 利用運動去減厭 , 與好友共聚 , 看電影 , 品嘗美酒 , 攝影活動 , 將家居粉飾及整理一番 ……………這些東西看似平常瑣碎但其實這些正與自己的核心價值 : “愛與被愛” “個人興趣發展” “健康身體” “改善家人生活質素” ”令人開心”……….. 掛鈎 。 我絕不會坐困愁城 Lock myself up , 或去花天酒地 , 瘋狂消費 , 消耗精力在一些與核心價值無關的事上。
原因是兩者出來的成效分別很大。 做一些與核心價值掛鈎的事情時你會從中得到正能量及滿足感 , 相反的卻會令你花費無謂金錢精力到最後換來的只是一場空虛。 這套方法是自己多年前所學 NLP 中 “用外來東西而改变內在心境的一套自療心法” , 而這套心法對我來說真的很有效。
現有的難題經過這兩星期的努力 , 基本上己整理出一些曙光 , 亦為自己爭取到一些唞氣空間。 下一個月將是難題的另一高峰期 , 我心中早已作好準備去打這一場硬仗。
作戰期間未必可能像以前一樣經常更新網誌 , 希望大家明白體諒。
最近工作及家庭多件煩惱事同時夾擊 , 除了孤軍作戰外更是有寃無路訴 , 心情如何惡劣可想而知 …………。
這也無辦法 , 出得嚟行預咗要還 , 我做人樂天知命亦認命 , 既然天要如此考驗我 , 唯有順勢而行穩打穩紥 , 將自己能做的做好 , 問心無愧就算 , 結果究竟是如何已非能力所能掌控。 可能上天想我 Break Though 給我楔機去過另一種生活也不定 .
身边有一些朋友剛為人父人母 , 以前朋友口口聲聲話小孩子要天生天養突然180 度大变身 , 变成了準廿四孝父母。 雖然小朋友剛滿月不久但已細心舖排小朋友每個階段的成長路 , 而且恨不得小朋友像 “哪吒” 一樣見風就大 , 明天就可以大學畢業成家立室 。 兩夫婦的緊張程度及懂景令身邊朋友都覺得不知好嬲定好笑 。
香港盛行 “執輸行頭慘過敗家” 的心態 , 大家身邊不難找到一些 “怪獸家長 “或 “直昇機家長” 的人版。 而這些怪獸家長或直昇機家長的形成不就是因為過份緊張及家長本身沒有心理準備而形成。
大家打開報章不難找到什麼入學精英培訓班 , 面試班 , 琴棋書畫 , 騎射搏擊 , 少林寺十八般武藝速成班更不在話下 。 這些坊間課程大都冠以美麗包裝給你一個充滿無限幻想遠境 , 加上像瘟疫般的宣傳攻勢 , 人人咁做若你的小朋友唔根就好蝕底一句致命歪理 , 正中家長的心虛要害 , 变成了風氣 。老實講這些都是針對 “滿足每位家長心態” 而設計的賺錢商機 , 未必真正教到小朋友什麼 , 我亦不覺得少少年紀學會了十八般武藝除 “攞威曬命”之外有什麼得着。 其實我覺得不是小朋友應要小堂 , 而是身為家長應學習一吓如何做人父母!
父母當然不易做 , 除了揾食糊口外亦要照顧家庭 。 上一代人環境不佳兄弟姊妹眾多 , 大哥大姊就做了半個父母的責任 , 負責照顧家中幼少 , 真是今餐唔知下餐事 , 無辦法唔適者生存天生天養 , 一切都好似幾 OK 。 但現代人知識水平高了 , 反而好像有更多問題出現 , 究竟是什麼地方出錯? 是進步還是退步? 是時代变了? 還是人心變了?
有時都覺得這一代的小朋友其實幾辛苦 , 辛苦的是一個一個被 Spoon Feed 倒模般複製 。 我身邊的朋友當中就有不少這些例子。每天放學後補習 , 週末週日課外活動由早去到晚 , 有時見到小朋友攰到眼圈都黑埋。 但教出來的小朋友反而連最基本的禮、義、廉、恥 , 是非黑白 , 尊師重導 , 做人價值 , 個人治理能力都欠缺 。 什麼修身 , 齊家 , 治國 , 平天下這些核心價值早己被家長們長埋地下 , 反而被一些似是而非的歪理代替 。有時真的要問是否真的有此必要? 究竟我們在培育一個有德行的人 , 一個高分低能寄生蟲 , 還是一個為害人間的惡魔?
大家經常投訢身一代年青人或小朋友如何無禮貌 , 只懂權利不講義務 , 只顧自己不顧他人 , 飯來張口 , 要錢伸手 , 整天混混噩噩 , 貪威識食物質享受為上 ………. 若將來由他們當上未來社會的主人翁或在公司掌權會是怎樣? 我自己倒有點擔心 , 可能將來真的要移民去亞魯亞圖 , 一個香蕉多個人的國家 , 日日食蕉無眼睇算了。
我今天不是想講什麼做家長大道理 , 不過最近看到一篇很有意思的文章 , 雖然內容並非與教導小朋友有直接關係 , 但卻令我聯想到 “拔苗助長式的教育子女方法” 是否一件好事? 因此轉載過來給大家一個思巧空間。
另外我年前在一篇舊文 “新一代應培育的六種能力 ”分享了自己一貫教小朋友的方法 , 我深信這些目標比什麼十八般武藝更實際及有用。
The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
If there are two ways to success, the first one is instant and the second one takes a long time, which one would you choose? I think most people will take the first one. After all, who doesn’t want to get a quick reward?
But there is a difference between achieving a quick success and a lasting success. If you just want a quick success, then sure, the first way the best way to go. However, if you want a lasting success, I believe you should choose the second way. It’s a slow way, but it’s the best way to grow. Here are two reasons why:
1. It prepares you for the responsibility
Being successful is nice, but it comes with a big responsibility. If you don’t have what it takes, you might seem successful on the outside, but you might not be ready on the inside.
Success could easily ruin your life if you are not ready for it. There are many people who are successful in one area of their lives, but messed up in the other areas. Perhaps they have family problems. Or they become arrogant. Or they feel empty inside.
Real success means being successful in all areas of your life, not just in one or two. There has to be a balance between all of them.
Growing slowly is good because it prepares you for the big responsibility that comes with success. You will be able to handle it and keep your life balanced.That’s how you can have a lasting success.
2. It prepares you for moments of crisis
Those who want a quick success often do more than what they can afford. They take excessive risks that will eventually hurt themselves and others. These people might seem successful in the beginning, but when the storm comes they won’t be able to withstand it.
Warren Buffett is a good example here. He grows his portfolio slowly over the years. He doesn’t do the “exotic” things many others do in the financial world. As a result, when the crisis struck, he was able to recover quickly. In fact, he used the opportunity to buy stocks on the cheap.
What makes the difference here? Those who grow slowly take the time to build their foundation. They don’t hurry to build a big house. They are patient and use the time to build a strong foundation first. That’s why they can withstand the storm better than those who just want to quickly build the house.
So it’s up to you. What kind of success do you want?
Do you want a quick success or a lasting success?
在風高浪急之際好容易令人陣腳大亂 , 迷失方向及失去分寸 …….
究竟怎樣去調整自己心態 , 用理性的角度去解決問題呢?
我 “智慧錦囊” 中就有這樣的七條。
We are all faced with challenges constantly in every area of our lives. Most people have a hard time accepting and dealing with these challenges that arise. The truth is that you will have to deal with difficult problems throughout your life, whether it is in your personal life or career.
Most of us get really afraid and run away from problems because we don’t want to accept reality the way it is. Running away from your problems is the worst thing you can do to deal with the challenges you are faced with. I have some tips for you below on learning how to deal with everyday challenges. Start now and develop the self-discipline to practice the below points.
1. Don’t overreact – Overreacting to a problem will cause you to make bad decisions. When we are not in control of our emotions, we will make decisions that we will regret later. Next time you are faced with a challenge, become the watcher of your thoughts and stay calm so you can make smarter decisions.
2. Accept present moment reality – Accept the way things are and the way people are. You have to understand that not everything is going to be the way you want it to be. If you cannot accept reality you will feel very frustrated with your life. Many people will try to change someone or something that they cannot control, and when it doesn’t work out for them they feel miserable. Once you can accept reality (including the challenges that you are faced with), you will be able to be more calm and think more clearly about how to get a step further towards your goals every day.
3. Don’t blame others – Many people make a habit of blaming others for all their problems. They fail to take full responsibility for the decisions they have made in life. The more you blame others with the challenges you are faced with, the more you will make people dislike you and not want to be around you. The first thing you want to do when faced with a personal challenge is not to start pointing fingers at others.
4. Practice detachment – Make a habit of detaching yourself from any outcome. Detachment means that you are not attached to any given result in life. For example, If you going to do a public speaking, you got really nervous. The reason you are fearful of public speaking was because you are too caught up thinking about what the audience was thinking of you. The fact is that there are some people that are not going to like what you say and others who may like what you have to say, therefore your job is to accept the way people are and not get worked up emotionally and mentally over someone not liking you. When you start practicing detachment, many of your fears and insecurities will disappear.
5. Don’t overanalyze – When you think too much about a situation or event that occurred, you will start to judge everything and everyone. When you think too much you will have a very tough time accepting reality and you will think that something is not right. Overanalyzing can also cause you to not take action on your goal, which can make you really frustrated in the long run.
6. Accept “changes’ in your life – You will have to deal with changes in life all the time. Many people don’t like change and they resist it because it gets them outside of their comfort zone. You may be unhappy or happy at certain times; however you have to realize that those two states are not permanent. You have to train your mind to be at peace at all times regardless of the emotional state you experiencing.
7. Don’t compare your lifestyle with others – It is really difficult not to compare ourselves with other people, however the more often we do that, the more frustrated we will feel. There will be people that may have accomplished more than you. The key thing to remember is that you create your own story and success in life.
年近歲晚 , 大家都會慣例在家中做一些大掃除 , 將一些無用的東西及垃圾掉棄 , 破舊立新 , 以新年新氣像面對新的一年來臨。 咁大家有無想過為自己的工作及身心健康亦來一個大掃除呢? 例如改變一些日常習慣 , 減省浪費在這些習慣上的資源 , 令自己煥然一新呢?
我常聽到朋友投訴時間不夠用 , 想做的事沒有做到 , 又或者無時間做 , 一年復一年 , 所有理想目標都只在腦內而實際上好像一事無成??? 某程度上我覺得這好大機會是朋友決心不夠堅定 , 講就天下無敵做就有心無力 。 我明白到現實中有很多制肘 , 但從在另一方面看我覺得防礙及令他們分心的東西太多 , 貪字得個貧 , 令他們不能將真正重要的事情做好。
以下這篇文章中所列出的 17 點都是我們每個人日常的一些小習慣 , 我不敢說這些是壞習慣或陋習 , 只能說它們比較 Unproductive 吧了 , 這些 “削弱性習慣” 我就叫它們為 “削習” 或吧。 其實減省了”削習”並不表示你會失去什麼 , 反而會滕出更空間 , 讓我們可以去做一些對自己真正重要的事。 其實所有大改變都是由一連串的日常小改變累積而來的 , 大家不妨趁歲晚收爐時又或者新年休息期間 , 思考及檢視一吓自己是否可以減少這些 Pulling your legs 的壞習慣?
Our daily life is full of unproductive habits and rituals that we execute – whether on a conscious or unconscious level. This makes us less efficient and productive than we could potentially be. Obviously, just listing some avoidable habits is not enough.
Here are 17 unproductive habits that you should let go:
1. Consuming the information you don’t need
Unsubscribe from as many mailing lists as you can. This way you can cut down the amount of incoming e-mails and prevent distraction. Also, stop watching news. If there is an event that is newsworthy, it will catch you anyway (mostly by other people).
2. Letting others to run your life
Steve Jobs said it right: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”You are the master of your life and it is a shame if you live your life by pleasing others.Naturally, it is wise to listen for advice from other people every now and then. However, ignore those people who say you can’t reach your dreams, it is impossible to do something or that your vision is foolish.In your heart you know that it is not true.
3. Reinventing the wheel
Before you start working on your task or project, prevent reinventing the wheel.
Spend some time on research to find out if there are already solutions that help you to complete your task faster.
4. Being perfect
Although striving for perfection may be a noble principle for some, it is still a huge time and energy waster.
Instead of spending too much time on tweaking something, create a checklist to go through on your finalization phase. When you realize that all the items on your list are checked, you can finish your work and move on.
Not only are you relieved of your accomplishment, you will also give room for your brain to focus on other things instead.
5. Letting television to overrun your passion
When television is preventing you to take action on your passion, maybe it is time to rethink your priorities.
Save your TV show to your digital set-top box for later viewing instead. If you do this operation a couple of times you will form a new success habit – working on your passion first and watching television second.
Stop working on multiple tasks at once. You are spreading your focus and effort on too many places at once. Although you might be able to proceed on many fronts at once, it is still a very slow and error-prone way of working.
Instead, when you focus solely on one task, you get all the work done much faster. You can put your mind fully to that task, complete it fully and move to the next task.
7. Neglecting your body
You should take utmost care of your body. Feed it nutritious food, keep it fit by exercising on a regular basis and give it enough sleep.
When doing these the quality of your life rises considerably, you feel good and in some cases you are able to prevent some diseases to break out. Also, your energy levels are higher and you are more productive.
8. Promising too much
Control your “yeses”. If you feel you have too much on your plate, be selfish and just say NO! You have a right to decline from requests presented to you. Don’t feel bad about saying NO.
If another person has a right to ask something from you, you have an equal right to say NO.
9. Reacting to every distraction that comes along
The number of distractions has grown radically over the last few years. The main problem is that you are expected to be reachable all the time.
When you are distracted, it causes unnecessary stress and makes you procrastinate on your work.
Instead of being reachable, shut down the communication devices when you want to concentrate on your work. If this means shutting down your phone or even taking the network cable out of your computer, then do it. This way you can cut down your temptations to be distracted too easily.
10. Thinking that the more the better
More is not necessarily better. In fact, in many cases the quality beats the quantity.
Strive for mastering or focusing just the few, but not everything. For example, this could be focusing on just a subset of your clients that bring most of your results or mastering one skill well rather than trying to be good on 12 different things.
Focusing on the things that bring the biggest rewards is a good strategy to be used your in life.
11. Being late on appointments
Stop wasting time of other people. Not only are you giving a bad image out of yourself, you are also showing that you ignore the other person’s timetables completely.
Adjust your own schedule to, for example, 15 minutes earlier, so that you keep the appointment without any delay.
12. Staying quiet when you should ask
When you are stuck and you are not able to move forward with your task, speak up!
It’s not silly to ask a question if you don’t know – rather, the person who doesn’t ask for help is silly.
13. Starting a task but not finishing
Too many people start a task and never finish it. Understandably the task may get postponed sometimes because of the reasons that are not dependent of you. But in majority times this is not the case and it is your responsibility to finish the task.
Make a plan on how to tackle the task: Break it into smaller pieces and execute your plan on a daily basis. Eventually you realize that the task is done and you feel very good about yourself!
14. Working tired
When you work tired, you are not able to focus on your work as well as if you were fully refreshed.
If you feel tired, ponder yourself if you get enough sleep at night and adjust your sleeping time accordingly.
Also, you can take a quick 15-20 minute nap to refresh yourself. Powernap is a great way to restart your day.
15. Waiting others to take action
Sometimes the only way to get something done is to do it yourself. If you are waiting others to take action on your behalf, you get disappointed because most probably nothing gets done.
Take initiative, put your ideas into action and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
16. Failing to admit mistakes and learning from them
Everybody makes mistakes. However, some people learn from their mistakes, while other people complain and never see any positive sides in those situations.
Use mistakes as a feedback and learning mechanism to improve your action further.
17. Fixing the symptom instead of the root cause
When you have a flat tire on your bicycle, you have two options to handle the situation.
You can either pump air to the tire so that you can ride your bike for a while – until the tire is flat again. On the other hand, you can change the tire to an intact one once – and stop wasting time on pumping air to a flat one on a recurring basis.
Strive for fixing the root cause instead of just fixing the symptom. It may take more time, but fixing the symptoms will most likely to take even more time.
在此我祝大家有個美好豐盛的 2012 年 。
Small, simple life changes can be powerful. Implementing some of these changes can literally change your entire life.
How do you change? Take on one change at a time, and go slowly. Implement each change consistently so that it becomes a habit. Don’t do too much too fast.
What follows is a list of changes that are simple, yet incredibly powerful. Some are obvious and some aren’t. I hope they serve as reminders of useful changes.
1. Walk daily
We humans aren’t supposed to be sedentary human beings. We are born to run, but even more so to walk. Walking every day is good for your physical health. But more importantly, it’s good for your mind. Walking is a joy. You are outside without distractions. You may even see people. And there’s few better ways to boast your mood.
2. Wake early
If you asked me what’s the best change you can make this instance, I would say “wake early.” The early morning is peaceful – there are no interruptions and no noise. You can wakeup and go for a walk. You can meditate. And you can create. And waking early is the most productive thing I’ve ever done. I often get more work done in a couple hours in the morning than during the entire day.
3. Eat less
Many of us overeat. Let’s stop. Eat slowly, and eat until you’re full. Eat so that your belly doesn’t bulge.
4. Stop watching, start doing
Watching is easy. Anyone can watch someone. Spectating isn’t inherently bad, but I believe we do too much of it. Instead of watching, do something. Or better yet, create something great.
5. Go slowly
Our culture tells us to go fast, to sprint and win the race. Problem is, the race never ends. When you choose to go slowly, you are choosing peace and happiness.
Clutter whether mental, physical, or virtual takes a toll. The only way to get rid of clutter is to get rid of stuff. Deal with bad thoughts and be done with them. Delete unneeded files. And get rid of unnecessary items. Then when you feel like adding something, ask yourself if it’s necessary. For the most part, it will just contribute to clutter.
7. Become stronger
There are many ways you can become stronger. You can refuse to back down because of fear. You can stand up for what’s right. And you can become physically stronger. All do one thing, increase your confidence. Gradually become stronger, and the world will open up.
8. Drink water
Often, I used to feel like crap just because I wasn’t hydrated. Drink water, and it will make you feel better. Soda and most other drinks often make you feel worse. Drink water and only water (besides maybe some tea or coffee). Drink it with meals and drink it throughout the day.
The incredible benefits of meditation are well-known. But most people don’t practice it because it seems complicated. The truth is, you don’t need to shave your head, or sit with crossed legs to meditate. The simplest way to meditate is to just sit and breathe. Focus on your breathe. Or focus on the sounds around you.
10. Let go of expectations
Expectations are completely pointless. Try it for yourself: think of how something will be in advance. Most of the time your expectations aren’t met or are exceeded. Or your expectations create negative results. Live without expectations, and you won’t be disappointed. You won’t have to worry about things you can’t control. You will just flow and accept things as they are.
11. Live in the moment
The past is yesterday and the future is later. The present is the only time we are truly living. So instead of analyzing the past or worrying about the future, live in the moment.
12. Forget goals
Goals look nice on paper. They provide order to your life. They aren’t necessarily counter-productive – people have done great things using goals. However, I think they’re useless. Instead of focusing on a goal, focus on the moment. Do things that you love, and do things well right now. This will get you farther than an arbitrary thing that you can check off.
13. Focus on what’s important
Too often, I used to let the little things get in the way. Now I forget the trivial and focus on what’s important. What is important? It’s up to you. Family, writing, reading, and playing soccer are all important to me. I clear away distractions and do the important things.
14. Change things up
A routine can make you a zombie. Instead, change things. Often you will find that a change makes things more exciting. Don’t be afraid to change things up.
15. Wait before you buy
Often we think we need something, but it ends up in the basement – unused. Before you buy something, wait a month. If you still believe it to be useful, then you can but it. Understand that every time you purchase something, the cost is more than just monetary. You are taking on this item. You must put it somewhere, you must protect it, and you must maintain it.
16. Stop judging
Judging is easy. It’s also stupid. It’s impossible to fully understand others. You don’t know what they’ve been through. So why do we judge? It’s harmful to your own peace, and it’s harmful to others.
17. Stop interrupting
Let people finish their sentence. You aren’t in such a hurry that you need to interrupt. Let people speak. You might learn something.
Everyone has something they can add to the world – something they can create. Spend time everyday creating. You are capable of creating something life-changing – even if it only helps one person.
Multi-tasking is a myth. We can’t multi-task – our brain can only switch between two tasks. So multi-tasking is actually less productive; not to mention stressful.Instead, focus on a single task. Move on when it’s finished.
We are too serious. Laugh and goof off sometimes. Forget being judged, and let loose. We aren’t so different from children – only we try to hide our play. Forget maturity. Forget working for now. Play. Enjoy life.